I guess I have to start accepting that I will never – or at least not in the near future – will have a normal life.
My family has already accepted it, or maybe they just gave up on me. They still ask me questions about my future plans and if I will ever get a ‘Real Job’ or go for that PhD. If I have to give a true answer.. well.. I don’ think it is going to happen. At least not now or in the near future.
I know I can get a ‘Real Job’ if I want to. I know that, if I would go for it I will make it work. I can make good money. Plus: I have a master’s degree, you know.
But that’s exactly the problem. I don’t want to. Somehow, the core of my being is refusing me to live a life that is not filled with things I truly, deeply want to do. Things that get me so utterly exited and make my days filled with joy!
But also with worriedness.. because all those awesome things and projects I work on, bring in hardly any money.
The things I am interested in are not the things that are going to get me rich. Continuing what I love to do will bring me just enough money to survive. To make ends meet at the last days of the month. Just like when I was traveling.
I want to continue to do my own stuff. I want to follow my heart. I promised myself I would, around 1,5 years ago. I wrote it down. Told myself I would keep fighting my fears and insecurities. Go through with it.
But oh, how I wish sometimes that my heart would be in for something that excites me AND makes me some real good money. To have the security. To be able to buy an apartment for myself and have nice stuff.
Unfortunately, my heart is really not interested in that. It doesn’t care about comfort and nice things. It cares about love, joy, sharing and living a life that is incredible insecure. A life that can change at any moment and is incredible interesting. It asks me: What’s a Real Job anyway?
So here I am, sitting on a boat somewhere in the north of Amsterdam. I live here now. I am working in exchange for accommodation, just like I was doing when I was still traveling. Oh damn, you don’t want to know how much I miss the traveling! The fact that I don’t have a regular job makes me able to leave any time, which is great.. but also really tempting. I committed myself to start something up here, for myself. So I will stay. For now.
I live together with some other volunteers. It is a small space and there is no shower on board. I am barely earning enough money to survive. But hey, the people are lovely and passionate, we have a cozy fireplace and a cat on board. Cats make everything better. I am starting to organise events I love. Talking about topics I think need to be discussed. It’s called City Campfire, and its an evening whereby all sorts of travelers in Amsterdam come together to discuss about travel topics and share stories from the road.
I also love the boat and the project we are working on. We are looking for a bigger ship now, to restore and sail across the oceans. Doesn’t that sound awesome? We are working on developing a so-called ‘pirate economy’, where we will trade goods, skills and stories for one another. I am really exited about it.
So that’s what I do now. Trying to live the life that I am meant to be living. Or basically, trying to continue living a life that is connected to my deepest values and passions. I am not interested in working solely to earn money, pursuing a so-called ‘serious career’ or getting a house and all that stuff. I want to live a life that is true to myself, to create connection with other people. To share, love and enjoy. And for now, that means I am a Pirate. ;)
We will see what’s next..
Want to get my stories in your inbox? Sign up below: